Great, now I’m hungry for a cereal that leaves your mouth looking and feeling like a Saw filming location. YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME IN MY MOUTH? Wait, uh… And yes, that is not a typo, the actual name has two “Crunch’s” which I never really noticed until I actually had to type it out. I mean, why does the Cap have to be redundant like that? I know you’re Cap’n Crunch homey, why not just give us the berries? And will no one think of José Berríos here who has to be crunched twice for the metaphor to work? I will, for I am Jay, philanthropist, life coach, virtuous drunk, and that’s just before lunch! But enough about my over-qualified CV, let’s talk about the struggles of one Crunch-Crunch Berríos… yeah, definitely does not have a great ring to it. Nor crunch. All of them.